Monday, March 23, 2009

Memoirs of a Runner

Have you ever had a bowel movement so good that you think you might have felt the Spirit? Think about that for a minute. As a young boy growing up I never gave pooping much thought. That is until a Lake Powell trip, summer while in jr. high school.
The trips I took with the Chilton’s were all great with some of the fondest memories of my early life taking place down there. Skiing, zip-lines, nakedness, Joel using Troy’s head as a ramp, Nes refusing to jump, bottle rockets in the chest or moody girlfriends swimming to islands to pout and expecting us to come get them and um… not or any number of nefarious activities occurring on top of the houseboat. All really neat things that I am lucky to have experienced. But anytime the topic of proper bowel function comes up one Lake Powell memory comes raging in with such clarity its as if it were yesterday.
We had been on the houseboat for nearly a week and I was suffering from some faulty elimination. After my morning constitutional I came back from the hills and as I was walking back on the boat, Mark Chilton, father of my dear friend Troy, was adjusting the beach anchors and must have seen my obvious angst and just looked at me in the most matter of fact Mark Chilton way and said, "Rob, you should really go running." Perplexed I was. I mean Mark had told me some pretty weird stuff up to that point but this was something I just couldn’t get my head around. I wasn’t nearly as rotund as you might find me now so I know he wasn’t recommending a fitness regimen, it must have just been that obvious I was in a bad way, or was Troy’s dad just bat-sh** crazy.?.? I asked him as politely as I could what in THE hell he was talking about and he informed me that after a really good run you were almost always guaranteed a great movement. I believe the exact word he used to describe it was "Effortless." There was a little more to the conversation but you have enough information for me to make my point. So here it is…
Who took Charlie running? Our little man hadn’t made any type of fecal deposit in 5 days and was growing increasingly irritable and then yesterday, after one of you people broke into my house stole my smushy brained son and took him out for a nice long run he started a marathon of his own. He’s been pooping regularly for over 24 hrs now, 5 movements all included. While that is nothing but a normal day for some of you folks, it is Herculean by Charlie standards. The best part is that his temperament has been completely pleasant. Case in point; this morning after discharge numero tres he just laid in bed so content, so relaxed I almost felt like I should have gotten him a cigarette. Today has been great for Charlie and he needed it. He needed a little R&R and so did his mom. I just wish I could ask him if it has been "Effortless" like Mark promised it would be.
This also brings me to the subject of the BIAU 5K Run, Walk, Roll. We can’t wait to see you all there and we hope you will all bring a friend. And if you run fast enough I’ll guarantee you an "Effortless" finish so leave the Metamucil at home. It should be better than last year thanks in part to some fine work being done by my sibs who are helping organize the event. If you’d like to help volunteer or donate anything just leave a comment here and one of them will contact you.

P.S. Angel is working on a photo entry of a day in the life of Charlie so we should all start getting really excited for that. Yeah Angel!!!

P.S.S. If I’ve offended or disgusted anyone in the writing of this post you must have never had issue with your digestive system and it probably functions so well you don’t even need toilet paper and rather than apologize to you, you can take comfort knowing there are many out there who envy your function.