Monday, April 21, 2008

Dilemma...

Rob and I are fairly private people and so the proposal of TV has been a tough decision. My face turns red every time I think about it. I asked 10 people what they would do in our situation and 9/10 said they would go on the news. When asked why, there were very few legitimate reasons to outweigh the shyness and the invasion of privacy. Rob and I debated that the blog has already exposed us beyond our comfort level but when we hear everyone’s amazing comments we realized how beneficial it has been for us. How can we be the ones to stop him from melting your hearts as he has ours?

I accepted to go on the channel 5 news with Amanda Butterfield although second guessed several times afterwards. Rob has accepted to be silently supportive. Ironic isn’t it that he is so eloquent in writing and quite social in a casual environment and yet so shy in a formal setting. I’m terrified to make a fool of myself and yet reminded of what Susan has said throughout this whole ordeal “This isn’t about you or them, it’s about Charlie.”

I’ve heard that Charlie has affected many people’s lives in a positive way, many times without them ever being in the same room with him. This phenomenon is a little difficult for me to understand because pictures on the blog don’t do him or the feeling justice. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve recently realized that Charlie wasn’t sent here just for Rob and I to learn from-although we have so much to learn- he is meant to be shared. No matter how much I would like to slip back in anonymity he has a story to tell. Although that story may be different for each person following him, he seems to convey all that is good- faith, endurance, peace, innocence, patience, toughness, determination. He has completely changed our family’s perspective and outlook on life. He has made us realize how fragile life is and not to take anything for granted. As I wonder if Charlie will ever smile again I find myself thoroughly memorizing Britton’s smile. I don’t think I will ever know exactly how but somehow Charlie is drawing people to him like a magnet and I guess we as his parents need to allow that to happen. We are so lucky to be a witness to what a small body can do with such a big spirit.

70 comments:

Suz said...

Beautifully said Ang! I am proud of you guys as you have chosen BETTER over BITTER.
XOXO

Anonymous said...

When will the story air?

whitney said...

Ang, well said. You are right on all counts and if the pros outweigh the cons (which it sounds like they do), Charlie can spread a little more of his magical medicine. Suz, I love that - BETTER over BITTER... we all need that.

Through the Looking Glass said...

You so poignantly put such a simple truth: There are stories in our lives that are bigger than the sum of their parts. I never imagined that I would be so moved by my vicarious relationship with your son, but he has undeniably added something to my life and altered my perspective forever. I must add that you and Rob are vital parts of this story as well. You are wonderful to be apprehensive, but your grace and strength throughout this experience is just as powerful as Charlie's presence. What a blessing for the rest of us to get to witness a small slice.

CnLAland said...

I haven't commented for a long time, but I do check his page religiously. He continues to be prayed over by my 4 and 2 year old daughters. It makes me tear up everytime. I've never met Charlie or your family, I only know of you through Teya (Chilton) and this blog, but what I do know of your sweet little family is how strong you all are, and how much faith you each have just by living the day to day trials you face. I think you will be surprised how many people will watch you on the news and say to themselves "Hey, I've heard about that little guy!" Thank you for sharing Charlie and his sweet spirit with all of us.

Kristin said...

It's true that we have all learned a lot from Charlie. I can tell you are very private and I hope this doesn't intimidate, but my lessons have been learned from you and your family. You have SO much strength and endurance... I am constantly impressed by that. Also, you're still personable and kind to everyone (that I hear about) around you. Even though we are like strangers to you, you have always been kind and welcoming to us.

Tammy said...

I will never forget the day that I met you at PCMC. I am so glad that we met you and that you told us about your son. I think about you guys often and check your blog religiously.

I was crying over this post. Our kids make us step out of our comfort zone at times and that helps us grow and be better people. Never in a million years did I think I could change g-tubes and work on PICC lines. But I was thrown into is by chance not by choice and I am a better person because of it. I remember thinking when Kayden got his ng-tube that I hoped that think never came out so that I wouldn't have to put it back in. Things sure have changed since that day.

I have always been told to share my story and my experiences because it isn't for me, but for someone else who may be needing to hear it at the time. Who knows, there may be some mother out there who will listen to your story and discover something that she would not have known.

Let us know when this story will air. I can't wait to see it.

Trish said...

You are incredible. Again Angel, I am overwhelmed with my gratitude that we are part of the same family. I love you all and am so proud of all that you, Rob, Britt and Charlie have done for the world at large. You all continue to touch the hearts of us all more deeply than you can ever know.

Meghan said...

the story will air on tonights news- Channel 5-KSL at 10 pm.

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog a long time ago and have been following Charlie's story closely ever since.
There have been many nights when I have been cuddling my baby girl (about the same age and Charlie) in the middle of the night, trying to get her back asleep, and have thought about Charlie and realized how precious these children are and how we can't take them for granted.
Thanks for letting a stranger learn important lessons through you and Charlie.

Anonymous said...

I know Amanda as do many of you and I am sure she will be sensitive and the story has a magnificent impact. Love you, JIll B

Ginny said...

Yet again I am so impressed. If only your strength and perspective could be bottled and given to everyone! Never sold, because we know that is not what you are about, hence your hesitency. I am thrilled that more people will have the opportunity to be touched as so many have by Charlie and the Christensen family!! (That may sound a little too much like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!!) Can't wait to see it!!

Anonymous said...

I do not know you personally but you, Rob, Britt, and Charlie all have touched me and made me a better person. I have often drawn so much strength from all of your endurance and courage. I applaud any decision you make. many many prayers always from Massachusetts.

Anonymous said...

I am in awe of you and your family! I think you have made a very good decision to share Charlie with the media. Your story is one of trial and faith and complete love. You continue to touch my life as you do many others! I know it must be difficult to open yourselves up to everyone, but you have made us stronger through your example. Charlie is an angel sent here to touch so many lives and you have the gift of being his parents. I am sure your burden is heavy, but you are so strong. I pray for all of you many times a day. I ask Grandma Cherly about sweet Charlie everyday too. You are so blessed to have so many strong and wonderful family members around you. I will be watching tonight and I know many lives will be touched. Thank your for your courage and strength.
Connie

Anonymous said...

I completely empathize with your hesitant thoughts about the press. Let me add this however, although I have never met Charlie or any of his family, he has changed my life so much for the positive. Charlie in his own innocent way is fulfilling a mission in his own way. It has been a long time since I have prayed so hard and it has been such a great thing for me. I have learned how truly blessed I am as I hold my little 22 month old son in my arms a little longer each day and a little tighter. And, Im a little more patient with him when he splashes me from the tub or throws a matchbox car at the tv or throws his head back while sitting on my lap giving me a black eye.
So I guess in short, Charlie has given me a rare gift, I now communicate with my Heavenly Father instead of just bow my head and ramble. I pray hard and often for Charlie also giving thanks for my little boy. Then I am overpowered by the amazing feeling and realization that we are all the recipient of the greatest gift ever given. I think I understand that a more because of little Charlie and I hope that as people read your story or see it on tv, they get the same blessing as I have.
Keep up the fight Charlie!
We will be here praying as long as it takes.

Jimmy Wilson

The Woolstenhulme Family said...

I am so grateful for your courage to share this wonderful story with me and my family. You will never know how much you have touched people. I know for myself you have touched my life in ways I never knew anyone could. Your family has given me something I could never pay back. I am so excited to see you on the news tonight I can't wait. You will do amazing I know you will. Thanks again for sharing this wonderful experience.

Anonymous said...

gain, I feel the need to add a comment although at times I feel strange because I do not know your family but Charlie remains in my prayers constantly. He has touched my heart deeply and I relate to what others have said, that his story makes me reflect on how blessed we are when given the job of taking care of the little souls in our lives. That when I feel patience wearing thin at the end of a long day with three little ones I think of your journey, and it inspires all kinds of strength.

I know it might be hard to believe how your son has touched so many complete strangers, but his spirit simply jumps out of the computer screen....it is clear that he is an amazing little boy and his story will continue to grow...

I think your decision to share his story on an even wider scale will prove to be a good one...more prayers out there for all of you and more awareness to all that life has to offer...I work in television in LA so I understand your trepidation but some stories are simply meant to be told...thanks for sharing yours.

God Bless,

Leane in LA (RN Dave's friend...)

Anonymous said...

You continue to amaze me every day. I am so excited to see your story touch even more lives. Keep us posted so we know when to watch!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know you or Charlie personally, but found this blog through a friend. I have to say, I wake up each morning and look at Charlie's progress and I check each night before I go to bed. I am amazed how influential a little baby can be but he gives me strength each day to endure. I want to thank you for sharing his story with us and commend you for your bravery through this difficult time. Thank you for letting me be a part of this magnificent little boys life. It has changed me in so many ways. I only hope that we will have the honor to watch him progress with you. Your family and Charlie's spirit have been truly influential in so many ways and all I can say is THANK YOU.

Shani said...

Charlie, I want the first autograph you handsome little man! (of course I will have to teach him to write first. But give us time...I feel like he will one day be phenomenal with a crayon)!

Forbes pirate ride! said...

I have tears rolling down my face. I am so moved by what you have said and what a great desicion you"ve made, Angel & Rob you are truly amazing!!

Anonymous said...

Good Job guys. Thanks for updating us with the news. I want to meet this little guy someday and I hope I get the chance. He is a sweet little guy. I love this little guy and I have never met him. Mom and Dad you are amazing keep up the good work and know that the prayers are still coming your way from our family in Bountiful.

Kelly said...

Just a quick question...will someone record said report and post it on the blog? Those of us in far off lands are interested in the questions the media have to ask as well. I don't know if something like that is copyrighted or whatever, but I'd be interested in seeing what is asked and the responses.

We are all so amazed by your family. I'm taking the honor here of commenting for everyone. And we've grown to love Charlie and the Christensen Clan.

Thank you for sharing his life and your lives! I know it's got to be hard living in the spotlight. We love you!

Charlie Cooper said...

The news clip will be available on ksl.com tomorrow for those of you that are out of town. Amanda was mostly interested in reporting how the blog has been therapeutic for us while dealing with this difficult situation.

Anonymous said...

Your concern about your privacy is certainly understood. I am an outsider and I appreciate every day that you have allowed those of us in blogland to be a part of your world. Charlie is an amazing baby and his struggles and triumphs have touched us all. Your family is strong, and inspiring. During the toughest of times, you were able to communicate with clarity, allow people to hold you up until you could do it yourself and you reached out for prayers.

Your story is strong. I have 3 wonderful children of my own. My middle child had a very rough time from birth until about age 4. People encouraged us to tell our story and I just didn't have the strength to do it at the time. I have told it over and over once the worst was over. People do take strength from our story and many, many, many will benefit from yours.

Of course it is your story and you will tell it when it is right for you. But I would like to see the broadcast but am in PA. Someone else mentioned a post on the blog...that would be great if you want to do that.

I don't want you to feel that I am trying to intrude, or pressure you into anything. If you decide that tomorrow you don't want those of us on the outside to be a part of your lives, then so be it (but please, please don't do that!!!) :)

God bless you all.

Amanda said...

I have never commented on your blog, but want you to know that Charlie has touched my life. My friend had a link to your blog on her family's blog and so I have occasionally checked in to see how Charlie is doing, but I pray for him every day. I have a 9-month old little boy and so Charlie's story has touched me deeply. His pictures remind me so much of my own little boy. I am reminded each day as I think and pray about Charlie how fragile life really is. Thank you for sharing your story, as difficult as it is for you to share. Charlie and your family have touched more lives than you realize. Your love, dedication, humor, perseverance and faith have inspired me to be a better mom and to cherish life in all its laughs and trials.

Anonymous said...

Consider me magnetized! Thanks Charlie and Angel and Rob for teaching me how precious life is from moment to moment. Thanks also for helping me to know that there can be happiness and hope after trials and trauma, and that love will indeed conquer all.

Sara said...

Is there anyway we can view it online? I don't live in Utah (I'm from there...)but I have no way of watching it :(

Anonymous said...

I am bawling reading your blog. Charlie's page has touched my heart more then you know. He is such a beautiful baby, and I know he will smile again one day. You are an amazing family. I will continue to pray for Charlie Cooper.

Thank you again for blogging about your familys trials.

Meghan said...

sara the story is on ksl news tonight, but it will be on ksl.com tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Although I do not know your family, I have followed Charlie's story through this blog for weeks. I have been so inspired by your faith, optimism, and humor. I have cried when there are setbacks and cheered when there are steps forward. I have a little boy about the same age as Charlie and I pray for your sweet boy each night just as I pray for my own. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Kara said...

I just want to echo those who have said how much your family has touched so many-I think especially those who have not met you. Thank you for all of the things that you remind me of...those times when I'm mad because my two year old doesn't mind me, I think how lucky I am to have him able run around. And when my baby doesn't want to do anything other than have someone hold him, I think about how blessed I am that I CAN hold him. Thank you Angel, Rob, Britt, and Charlie. You touch my soul on a daily basis!

Megan said...

Your post has left me in tears. Charlie has indeed touched so many lives. My friends and family often ask about him, we are all praying for him.
You are an incredible family and I admire your strength.

Crystal said...

I saw your story on the news. You did great. I'm surprised I haven't seen your blog before from Tammy's (she is my SIL's sister). Charlie is in my prayers!

Much Love,
~Crystal
www.NoahsAdventure.com

Anonymous said...

YOU WERE AWESOME ON THE NEWS TONIGHT! YOU SAID EVERYTHING PERFECT! SO MANY OF US HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY THE LITTLE MAN AND WHAT AWESOME PARENTS YOU ARE. LOVE CHADSKI

linds said...

thank you for sharing charlie with us. your post and the news tonight left me in tears. what an amazing family. we love you all.

Anonymous said...

You guys did amazing tonight. I cried when you were talking Rob. I'm so proud of you guys!!
-Sara L
Angel-you looked so beautiful!

Anonymous said...

keep your heads up. i have some friends in colorado who went through this same thing last year. their son is now walking with help and just started to feed himself for the first time. your family is in my prayers!!

~prayers in ogden

Shani said...

Phenomenal job on the news. I love you guys.

Corry Family said...

Rob, I know your story is personal but it hit me when I saw it on the news today. I don't know if you remember me or not, I went to High School with you and your wife (good ole woods cross) I dated Steve Nordfors for a while. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that my heartfelt prayers go out to you and your family and especially that little baby of yours. I have a little girl just a little older than Charlie and I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know you will be looked out for and I wish you the best of luck. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
MaryJean (Gillespie) Corry

Sam said...

You guys were amazing tonight. I just cried and cried. Thank you for sharing your lives with all of us-- Charlie is an incredible little boy and you are incredible parents
We love you all!

erin said...

You were absolutely fabulous! You both were once again inspired with all you shared. We are proud to be part of your family... thank you for going out of your comfort zone to touch others with your experiences. Love you all! Sleep well sweet Charlie.

Suzie said...

very touching. thank you so much for sharing your little guy and your story with all of us. May you find the peace and comfort you so desire and know that the prayers for Charlie have been multiplied tonight!
keep it up!

Anonymous said...

ROB THIS IS CHADSKI I TRACKED THE BLOG 8 MINS AFTER THE TOUNCHING STORY ON THE NEWS AND IN 8 SEC. THERE WERE 339 HITS ON THE WEB SITE YOU HAVE TOUCHED SOME LIVES TONIGHT AND YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY DOING THE STORY. LOVE CHADSKI

Katie Williams said...

Well i watched the news tonight like everyone and just cried! Rob I have seen a change in you that I am very proud of!!! You guys are my hero's! You make me be able to wake up in the morning and fight the battles that I have on a daily basis! I know that i can get through the little crap that i have if you guys can get the the huge crap that you have to deal with! Thank you so much for your inspiration to me in my life!!! I never thought that i would look up to rob! (just kidding)

grandpadavidpeggy said...

Thank you for sharing - you were great! We love you all.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful way to show the WORLD what a magnificent family you have. I have always felt very strongly that there was never a more wonderful family than mine. Everything that has ever happened to me I relate it to something I experienced by being and Edman and all that that entails. Rob and Angel, you have taken it to a whole new level. I have bawled (literally) all day and this was the dam that broke. I love you and I love the way you have shared your heartache, your hope, your inspiration and your love of family and your love of your Heavenly Father. It is the greatest testimonial to "the TRUE meaning of life." Charlie will live forever in the hearts and minds and lives of all the 80,000 plus people that have shared in this experience.

I know it was hard, but you were inspirational and a true source of hope.

Love you so much and love Charlie for what he has done for the 80,000 people he has impacted so far. The rest of us will never have the impact he has had in spite of our good health. God works in mysterious ways. We are simply players in the overall scheme.

Bless you all.. Jill Stapley Sanduk Barraclough(mostly an Edman and a daughter of the Edman sisters and their posterity.)

Kristy said...

Hey Rob, I a not sure if you remember me...Kristy from the sleep lab. Yes I am still here. Layne told me about the story on KSL so I checked it out. I am sorry to hear about Charlie it brings back a lot of memories for me with my daughter Brooklynn. I just wanted to know that I am thinking about you and my prayers are with you. Hang in there!! I will have to check out your blog often.....I have been blogging since November.

Layne also says hi and her thoughts and love are with you as well. If you remember her son is deaf and is now 29. Hang in there and be strong. She says to remember you are only given what you can handle. The both of you are strong and wonderful parents and will get through this.

Take care
Kristy and Layne

Scott&Debbie said...

My sister referred me to your site months ago and I was immediately taken in by little Charlie Coop (and your family as well). I check in on him daily and think of him throughout my day.

I have a family member who lost his little boy from this ugly disease. It came on so strong he didn't have a chance to fight it. My heart still aches for their loss. I think that's why I'm so drawn to little Charlie Coop and rally for him from my home.

Your family continues to be in my prayers. I thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to laugh and cry with you. You have taught all of us to appreciate life just a little bit more, love and hold our children a little bit tighter, and support our family and friends in their time of need.

Tammy said...

I wanted to leave another comment and let you know that you guys were GREAT! You did a wonderful job of expressing just a few of the many reasons why those of us with a story blog...and those who don't have a story! Thinking of you guys. I know I haven't ever met Rob, but I started crying when he was talking about Charlie. What a great job he did. He needs to check out our visit with the BYU Football team for our Thursday's Hero.

Lookin forward to tomorrow's update. Have they got the right tube there yet?

kenandrohosking.blogspot.com said...

our prayers are with you and your family. angel we have known you since you were our kids babysitter. You are a special mom and charlie is lucky to have you.
The Hosking family

Mel said...

Thanks for sharing your story!

Fun times at the McF home said...

You guys were great tonight on the news. I know that you were hesitant to go on the news and share your story, but I thought it was perfect. I am so glad that you have this blog...I know that I don't see you very often, or hardly at all, but I still hold you in the highest regards and wish there was more I could do to help. What a priveledge it is to be the parents of two incredible boys. You guys are amazing and have been through so much...thank you for sharing it with all of us! Love Jen McFarland

Anonymous said...

your appearance on the news tonight was just as phenomenal as everything else you guys have shared. Well done, and Charlie, please know how much love you are receiving!!

Sarah said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story tonight. I am a stranger, but I will be praying for you every time I kneel until you are home. I can't put into words how much this story has touched me. The news is full of sadness every night, but tonight I can't stop crying. I am so sorry that this has happened to your little family! There is something extremely special about him, but I just can't find the words. Thank you, thank you for reaching out and sharing him!

whitney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
whitney said...

You guys did a fantastic job. Thanks for sharing even more with us. Charlie is so dang special, I get teary every time I think about him. Rob, nice form on the bum pat, it is good to see how it is done.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. My son was admitted to PCMC the same week as Charlie - he was discharged with Asthma. My heart goes out to your family and you will be in our prayers.
Angel - you are an inspiration for all Mothers. You are an excellent example of strength and faith.
God Bless.

Emily said...

Angel,

I'm sure you don't remember me but you did my EEG this past weekend. What a surprise to find you on the news! Just wanted to let you know my family's thoughts and prayers are with you. Having gone through a minute piece of what you must be experiencing, I can only imagine the difficulty it must bring. Keep holding on--he's such a beautiful baby boy and he has wonderful parents!

Anonymous said...

I think of you guys everyday when I look at my own kids. Thanks for sharing Charlie's story with so many. What a tough little guy Charlie is, and the two of you are truly inspirational. Much love from everyone in our family!
Emily (Sonntag) Chamberlain

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. It brings tears to my eyes. What a special family you must be to have such a precious gift from heaven. I am a firm believer God intrusts his "most precious angels" to very special people. So it says a lot about you and your entire family. You will be in my prayers.

SQ
remembering Anna Marie

Nolan & Dawny Aders said...

Rob, Angel, & your "wonder boys,"
With all these wonderful coments there is no question you allowing your story to be shared tonight on Channel 5 was the right choice. You are all a great example of "Paying it Forward!" I believe someone said, "we are to strengthen one another" and you are showing all of us how its done
Kudos & prayers as always,
love,
Nolan & Dawny

Suzy said...

Charlie and his story has wrapped around my heart and I will never be the same.
Thank you for sharing!

Prayers go up, blessings come down.

Anonymous said...

Your story has inspired me too. Thank you for sharing your life and your beautiful baby. I prayed for family tonight and will continue to do so. It was meant to be that you shared your story, more people can pray for your family and more are inspired by you and precious Charlie. I know I hugged my little 9 year old a little longer and kissed her a little more tonight when I tucked her in.
Bless you

The Brauer Family said...

I know you get a lot of comments as I see you have 60+ on this post alone. But I am hoping that you will take the time to read through mine. I just happened to be browsing on KSL and came across your story. I read the story and then checked out your blog.
I am so, so incredibly touched by your story. Your little man is so strong having endured this and no doubt he will continue to be strong through whatever might lie ahead.
I am no stranger to Primary's. The nurses, doctors, and surgeons up there are truly angels from heaven. My little man would not be here today, if not for his wonderful surgeon. Part of my life, Part of my heart will always be up there.
Funny that the KSL story mentioned that you came across a family in Idaho who had a child with Bacterial Meningitis. As it is, my husband, son and I have had the amazing opportunity of becoming good friends with that particular family. I started crying the moment that I read that, and in an instance knew it was them you were talking about.
The main reason I am writing to you tonight is because I want you to know that I know how hard it is having a child in the hospital especially not knowing what circumstances lie ahead. It is so scary. I want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your sweet little man during this time. Thank you for letting me have the opportunity of being touched by your sweet story. I don't mean to sound like everyone else but I am truly sorry for what you are all enduring and I truly hope that there will be positive that will come from all of this in the end. May god bless and again know that my thoughts are with you and you are in my heart.

happydad said...

I can relate to your situation a little. My three year old was born two months early, and we had to visit the nicu at LDS hospital for nearly a month just to see her. I can't imagine having to be there as long as you have been.

For the most part, our story has settled down, although we are still working with Cerebral Palsy, brought on by a lack of oxygen sometime around birth. We have been fortunate enough to get accepted into Shriner's Hospital for help with physical therapy and the procedures that our daughter needs.

I hope that someone has helped with financial options. Someone at some point in time mentioned them to us, but we didn't realize what was available to us because of the emotional toll, and never took advantage of them. I see that there is a fund that people can donate to, and I hope that it helps. :) One of our biggest struggles was paying off the bills when we were finally home. I still remember the feeling when we payed the last bill off...

Life definitely has not been the same for you since this began. It is an uphill battle, but my wife and I were amazed at how much it brought our family together. Without each other, this would be a million times harder!

Best of wishes, you will be in my prayers!

Let Them Be Little said...

Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You will be in our prayers.

SuburbanZoo said...

What an amazing family! We will be praying for you.

Julianna said...

I'm sitting here at work trying to fight back the tears. You are amazing and little Charlie is teaching us all how prescious life is. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story.

Anonymous said...

What a tender post. I can't even see clearly through all my tears, but want to thank you for sharing your story with me. My heart has truly been touched by Charlie, and you could not have written what you wrote any better than you did. He is an ANGEL, and is so precious! I don't know your family, but I find myself just wanting to embrace little Charlie when I read these posts and see pictures, and just want to tell him that it's all going to be ok, that he has his mommy and daddy closeby always, and that he will ALWAYS have the warm comforting arms of our Heavenly Father wrapped around him, who is there to help him through the pain. I just LOVE his little guy, and hope you know that Charlie has sincerely changed my life. I check this blog daily, and admire you all!